Dangerous Dining with Alex #8

Pizza Hut All-You-Can Eat Lunch Buffet

Overview: There is a deadly economic imperative that drives our response to buffet dinners. We want full value for our money, even if we’re spending less than $10. And by “full value” what I mean is all the calories and carbs you can handle.

Label: I can’t do a full breakdown here because I wasn’t ordering from a menu. My best guess would be that I took in around 2,500 to 3,000 calories. Must have been at least double my daily recommended fat and sodium. There’s no sugar-coating it (though the sugar coating on the apple turnover dessert was delicious): if you limited yourself to eating this buffet even once every couple of weeks, it would kill you.

Review: I got to the buffet a few minutes early, and the pizza hadn’t been set out yet. As my hostess pointed out, however, there was salad available as an appetizer. So I had a salad. Then I had another salad. It was very good.

Despite the fact that there were three full tables of people in the restaurant already seated when I arrived, I was the only one who had any salad. Everyone else was waiting for the pizza. Once the pizza arrived, they swarmed both sides of the buffet table. I had a booth close to the buffet and kept track of how many people had salad. Over the course of the next forty-five minutes I counted five trips to the salad bin.  This is out of approximately forty people who were in the restaurant during this time, making several visits each. Pity the greens.

They set out several different types of pizza. None were vegetarian, though one had green peppers on it. That was the only shade of green, or of anything healthy, appearing on the pizza. One girl took a slice of the green pepper pizza, telling her friend that she “had to get her veggies.”

I spent a lot of time observing the diners. They weren’t morbidly obese, yet. They were all big, but most of them were still young. There were a bunch of teenage girls there who were clearly heading down an express route to Fat City. The males all looked sloppy and out of shape. Fashion is cruel. The men were all wearing baggy jeans and sweats, while the women were wearing snug jeans, tights, or some variety of yoga pants. And, as I’ve said, they were not thin. Please, people.

I was surprised that the other major demographic represented was elderly women. There were a lot of them, in groups and alone. Perhaps their husbands had already died of blocked arteries and now they were just trying to keep up a matrimonial tradition.

At one point a young fellow dropped a slice of pizza onto the floor. I looked away. It was an embarassing position to be put in. I mean, what do you do? There was no garbage nearby. He couldn’t put it back on the buffet hoping no one would notice. He didn’t want to take it back to his table. So what then?

I like pizza. I think most people do. It’s also very, very bad for you. Especially when you eat it in large quantities. And at a buffet, you eat everything in large quantities. That’s the point. So this is very, very dangerous dining. But it was tasty (even the salad!), and if you’re really hungry this buffet offers up more calories per dollar than any other restaurant meal I can think of. Plus the service was great. The only thing I missed was a thin-crust option. That would have been nice.

So I know I’ll be back. But hopefully not for a couple of months.

Price: $8.49

Score: 8 / 10

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