Simpsons Comics Colossal Compendium: Volume Two

This is more like it. I was a little underwhelmed by the Simpsons Comics Colossal Compendium Volume One, though this was mainly because I judge the writing in these Simpsons comics to a high standard. I know the Simpsons universe well, at least from its earlier years, and I’ve been impressed at how the stories in the comics are still so fresh and funny decades into the franchise now.

There are some good storylines here, including a number of superhero spin-offs. There’s a Bartman story where he meets a supposed Bartman of the future (one guess as to who that is!), another where all three of the Simpsons kids are superheroes (Stretch Dude, Clobber Girl, and Bouncing Battle Baby), a blast from the past courtesy of Comic Book Guy and issue #100 of Radioactive Man, and an adventure where Homer becomes a sort of accidental costumed crimefighter as a way of losing weight.

The best story though is “No Cause for Alarm,” a comic written and illustrated by the legendary Sergio Aragonés. This follows a series of mishaps that arise when Homer gets lazy with the alarm at the nuclear power station. It’s the kind of gag humour Aragonés does well, and the story has a lot of the chaotic crowd scenes he’s famous for, made all the better for the fact that Springfield is so full of easily identifiable characters you can enjoy these pages for a while as you try to locate where your favourite citizens are hiding.

If there’s any negative comment I’d make it’s the inclusion of a couple of short Itchy & Scratchy vignettes. I’ve never understood why they kept with these. Basically they’re an ultraviolent version of Tom & Jerry, with the cat (Scratchy) always being dismembered or destroyed by the sadistic mouse Itchy. I don’t find these comics offensive or shocking, but I don’t think they’re funny either. And they always play out the same, with no twists or surprise endings (unlike Mad’s Spy vs. Spy, for example), so they’re not very interesting in that respect either. But since these only amount to a few pages of filler it’s not a big deal.

Finally, the papercraft Springfield landmark is of Moe’s Tavern.

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Malignant Man

It’s likely the main initial selling point for Malignant Man is that, as the back cover tells us, it was “written by Saw director James Wan.” But even this needs some unpacking.

In the first place, on the title page inside James Wan is credited with “Created and story by.” The comic itself was “Written by” Michael Alan Nelson. This put me in mind of the way the BRZRKR comics were credited as co-written by Keanu Reeves. I expressed some doubt as to how much writing Reeves actually did on those comics, but since (to be fair, after getting off to a decent start) they were terrible, and his co-writer Matt Kindt was a capable hand, it’s possible he was at least somewhat involved.

The other thing to note is that Wan did go on to produce and direct a 2021 horror film with the title Malignant, but that movie has nothing at all to do with this comic (which came out in 2011). There was apparently a deal in place to make a movie out of Malignant Man, with Wan originally slated to direct, but it never got off the ground. At least I’ve never heard of it.

On to this comic. Our hero is one Alan Gates, a fellow who has been diagnosed as dying of brain cancer. But don’t worry, he’s not going to turn into the Jigsaw Killer. Instead, after being shot in the head by some punk who he tries to stop from stealing a woman’s purse, he’s taken in for surgery where the doctors find out that his brain tumour is actually an alien parasite called a malignant that gives him super powers.

Just as an aside, I think that’s supposed to be him on the cover, but that person doesn’t look anything like the guy in the comic. Which seems like the kind of thing someone should have flagged.

Unfortunately for Alan, there are other malignants out there. Actually there are two secret societies of them, one good and the other bad. The bad ones, who look like the Agent Smith clones from The Matrix, start sending hit squads after Alan. Along with a malignant buddy named Sarah Alan kills them all, utilizing his glowing malignant blade and prosthetic shotgun.

I didn’t think there was anything special or very new about this idea, and for a short run of four comics they tried to put too much mythology into the mix. For example, we never do figure out what the malignants are up to. Maybe if the series had gone on some of that would have been explained, but this seems to have been the end of the line.

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Velvet Volume 2: The Secret Lives of Dead Men

I’m happy I stuck with this series. I thought Before the Living End was generic and uninteresting spy stuff, but The Secret Lives of Dead Men drew me in. It’s still terribly generic, but I found myself genuinely curious as to what the game behind the game was and who was being played. Even though the answer to that latter question seems to be everyone.

So sexy superspy Velvet Templeton, clad in her skin-tight prototype stealth suit (bullet proof, and with wings for gliding off of tall buildings) is running around Europe with stolen passports trying to find out who framed her for the murder of secret agent X-14. Apparently it all goes back to some shit that was going down in the 1950s (the story is set in 1973) and Velvet’s husband, codenamed Mockingbird.

Don’t think you’re going to get any answers here! Just a lot more questions. But I enjoyed all of it, and was even glued to long stretches of dialogue that take place between two people sitting in a bar or together on a train. You know these conversations are games as well, but it’s fun to watch Velvet playing them as she follows the bread crumbs to whatever final twist Ed Brubaker has up his sleeve.

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